Mothers And Their Daughters
by IseultLaBelle
Summary: It's June 2007, and Chloe is feeling too anxious to go to her school prom. Ange is still a little bitter that she didn't get to properly enjoy her own, and is therefore determined to get her daughter there.


**I know, I know, I really don't need another story on the go, but this idea just wouldn't leave me alone! This will be a short multichapter, I am thinking three parts at the moment but we will see what happens. **

**A massive thank you must go to Elleigator for putting up with me bombarding her with sections of dialogue all week and suggesting the title, which is absolutely genius. **

**Reviews would make me very ****happy, and if you would like more teenage Ange/Chloe please do let me know! **

**-IseultLaBelle x **

"Mum?" Chloe whispers faintly. "Mum, I don't think I want to go."

"Yes, you do, sweetheart." Ange carries on brushing her daughter's hair, casual as she can manage, hopes that if she can manage to stay calm, together, reassuring, she might just manage to convince Chloe that she does still want to go, after all. "You do. You're just feeling anxious again, that's all, and it's totally fine to feel anxious. It must seem like ages since you were last in school, I can completely understand why you might feel a bit anxious about seeing everyone again. But you're going to have an amazing time, okay? You will. I'm going to make you look even more beautiful than you already do, and you've got your gorgeous dress Nana made you, and you're going to have an amazing time with all your friends. Okay? And Lauren's going to meet you outside, isn't she, so you don't have to go in by yourself? Is she definitely doing that?"

Chloe nods, fidgeting awkwardly with her hands, and not for the first time, Ange thanks her lucky stars for her daughter's best friend, and her endless patience and understanding when it comes to Chloe's anxiety.

"There you go, then. So you've got nothing to worry about, have you? We'll make you look beautiful- more beautiful than normal, anyway, because you're already beautiful. You're beautiful totally barefaced and natural, you don't need makeup, but we can totally go all-out for today. And then we'll wait for Nana to get here and walk you down to school and meet Lauren, and then you can go in with her and you'll have a fantastic time, I'm sure you will. But you can call me to come and get you whenever, okay? Nana and I will come and get you at nine thirty, but if you want to come home before then, just call me and I'll come and get you."

"Why are you making Nana come over just to walk me to school?"

"Because it's my baby girl's prom, and I want a ton of photos. I'm not relying on grabbing someone's parents at the school gates, I'm bringing my own photographer. You can't not go to your prom, sweetheart. I'm going to put some of my moisturiser on you, okay? You can have some of my expensive one, since it's your day. Close your eyes for me. But anyway," Ange insists, finishes with the moisturiser, casts it to one side. "You can't miss your prom."

"I can."

"No, you can't. Right, have a look at the hair pictures for me, then. Look, so I could do this hair? Or I could do that one, or I could just curl it for you and leave it down? What do you think?"

"I don't really mind, Mum. Which one do you think?"

"Chloe!" Ange protests. "This is _your_night, sweetheart. Come on, prom is the whole reason you work hard all year and struggle your way through mountains of Highers revision, this is the trade-off. Well, it is for most people. You're my little perfectionist, aren't you, you don't need the promised reward at the end of it all. We probably need to work on that when you do your Advanced Highers next year, I think you work too hard, sometimes. I care much more about you being happy and healthy than I'm ever going to care about your grades. Now, have a proper look and tell me how you want your hair."

"Do you actually know how to do all these?" Chloe studies the magazine clippings on Ange's dressing table suspiciously.

"Of course I do, I've been practicing."

"On who?"

"On anyone and everyone female and lucky enough to pass through the YAU in the last two weeks. And the general surgery ward. And a few of the staff, as well. I mean, to be fair, maybe lucky isn't the right word for my first few guinea pigs. But I've totally mastered all these now, so you can pick whichever one you like."

Chloe pauses, contemplates. "Could you do that one? Curled and then half up, half down?"

"I certainly can. We'll do your makeup first then, shall we, and then I'll do that to your hair. Relax, Chloe." Gently, soothingly, she presses down on her daughter's shoulders, suddenly aware of how tense she is. "Just relax. I'm just going to use the foundation we bought you the other week, okay? You liked it when we tried it in the shop, remember? I'm only going to do your foundation, I'm going to ask you what you think before I do anything else. I'm thinking a natural look? You don't need a ton of makeup, you've got perfect skin as it is. I think we just want to enhance what you already have."

"And you definitely know what you're doing?" Chloe frowns hesitantly, unconvinced.

"I definitely know what I'm doing, sweetheart. I know we've got totally different colouring, but I promise I've done my research, I know what I'd usually do on me isn't going to work on you. I'm not going to cover you in bronzer, don't panic."

"I still don't know if I'm going though, Mum…"

"I don't care. You're going to let me make you look beautiful anyway, Chloe, whether you end up going or not. I'm still giving you a makeover. I was up until two in the morning watching YouTube videos on 'makeup for pale skin,' you're going to let me have my moment, please."

"You do realise Lauren offered to do my hair and makeup, right?"

"I know. But you're my daughter, making you look beautiful for prom is my job. And anyway, I didn't get to do all this myself, so I'm living vicariously through you."

"You didn't go to your prom?" Chloe frowns at her, curious.

"Well, we didn't have prom, when I was in high school, it was like a post-exam results formal thing. I didn't have- I'm talking about the first one, the first year I attempted my Highers and basically dropped out of school- I didn't have exam results to collect, obviously, but they let me go anyway, since we were moving away. Kind of like a goodbye thing. So yes, I went. But I'd just had you, I think you'd been home with me for about a week and I didn't really have a clue what I was doing, I was in the new mum and a little bit terrified stage. I looked a total mess and I felt even worse, it wasn't exactly a great party."

"You did still get to enjoy yourself a bit though, right?" Chloe asks, eyes closed as Ange applies her foundation. "You're making me feel bad now."

"You have nothing to feel bad about, sweetheart, don't be silly. You were a hundred times more important to me than a school formal, that's how I knew I was ready to be your mum, I had my priorities sorted. I was never like that when I…" She trails off, shakes herself furiously. "When I was fourteen, fifteen, sixteen. Before I had you. Priorities all over the place, then. But yes, I did get to enjoy myself a bit, I got to catch up with Miss McLeod. You know, your Auntie Jane, she was still technically my teacher then. It was the first time I'd seen anyone from school since I'd had you, so taking you with me was probably a good plan, actually, given I was so self-conscious. You got far more attention than I did. Have I really never shown you the photos?"

"I don't think so."

"I'll see if I can find the ones of you. I managed to find a party dress in preemie size, you looked adorable. I looked like I was still pregnant and I hadn't slept in a year, but you looked adorable."

"I was a really ugly baby though." Chloe grimaces, shrugs, tries to act as though she's not bothered, but it's perfectly clear to her mother that really, deep down, she is.

"You were a beautiful baby. You were beyond adorable, I used to get people telling me how gorgeous you were all the time. I still do."

"Didn't you go back to school, though, right before you had me?" Chloe asks, voice laced with confusion and she's blushing, trying to change the subject; she doesn't know how to take compliments, Ange realises with a sinking feeling in her heart. "I know you repeated your Highers year in Aberdeen, but I thought you said you did go back to school for a while the first time you did S5."

"Oh, I did. I'm just doing your concealer, sweetheart, okay? You don't really need concealer, to be honest, I'm just going to do a tiny bit under your eyes and then we can think about blush and eyeshadow. No, I did go back to school, but it was a bit of a disaster, to be honest. I only decided I was going back to school when I realised I was pregnant with you, and I didn't work that out until right as my Highers were starting. So I just turned up for the exams, even though I'd hardly been in school since… you know. Since the September before that. I don't think my school were thrilled, they obviously knew I was going to do badly. But they couldn't actually stop me sitting the papers. It was a total disaster though, I went into labour with you before I'd sat a complete set of papers for any one subject. And I'd missed most of the school year, anyway. I think I failed all of them except the history, I managed to bluff my way to a C on the history paper I actually sat."

"Why did you even bother, if you knew you were going to fail?"

"Because I had you," Ange tells her simply. "Because I'd realised I was pregnant with you by then, and even though I knew I was going to do hilariously badly, I had to try. I didn't know whether I was going to be able to go back to school once I had you, and I wanted to be able to give you a better life than I could have managed with just my Standard certificates. I knew it was a lost cause, really, but I had to try."

Chloe is silent for a moment, blinks back at her reflection, and then she reaches for her mother's hand.

"Love you too, Mum," she says softly.

* * *

_"I'm not going, Mum. I'm not going, and that's final. There's no point me going, anyway. It's a post-Highers results formal party thing, and I didn't sit my Highers, did I? Not properly." Ange cradles Chloe in her arms, hugs her gently to her chest, rubs her back. "Are you going to keep your milk down this time, baby girl? Yeah? For Mummy? Otherwise the horrible midwife is going to be poking and prodding you and threatening us with the formula top ups again, and I'm positive that was what gave you colic. Well, the really, really awful colic, we still haven't got the normal colic totally under control, have we? I think you're lactose intolerant, I'm going to see if you're any better if I give up milk for a week. See, I totally love you. There's no one else I'd give up milky coffee for. So I'm going to give up milk, and you're going to eat and actually keep it down, Chloe. Okay? We need to get you back on your percentile chart for weight and then we never have to see that awful woman ever again."_

_Her own mother sighs. "I really think you should consider it, Angel. It would be nice to see your friends again, wouldn't it? You know, reconnect. I know we're going to be moving up to Aberdeen, but even so. You've got friends down here you've known your whole life, it would be a real shame to lose touch with them. And you can see your teachers again, it might give you some sense of closure? I know Miss McLeod would love to see you, she's been sending you lots of letters, hasn't she? Since you had Chloe."_

_Chloe. _

_"I can't take Chloe to my school formal, though, can I?" Ange protests. "I'm not going anywhere without Chloe. And I know, I know I'm going to have to leave her with you when school starts in August. But that's next month. She won't be quite so tiny then, and it'll be different. I'll actually have to leave her. I'm not leaving her for the sake of it." She leans back on the sofa, lies Chloe against her chest. "And I can't leave her for more than an hour at the moment anyway, until I get my head around the pump thing. I'm not leaving her with you to walk to school, socialise for half an hour and turn around to come back again and feed her, that's crazy."_

_"You can take Chloe with you," her mum suggests. "I ran it past Mrs Kennedy when she phoned this morning, and she said she's more than happy for you to bring Chloe. You get the best of both worlds then, don't you? You can go and see your friends and your teachers and be a normal teenager for a couple of hours, but you don't have to be parted from Chloe."_

_Ange hesitates. _

_"I don't know, Mum." She places her finger gently across Chloe's palm, waits for her tiny fist to cling on, still the sweetest thing in the whole world. "She hasn't been out of hospital for long, has she? It might be a bit overwhelming for her, being surrounded by 150 overexcited teenagers."_

_"She'd be fine, Angel. It'd be good for her- for both of you, come to that. You haven't really been out much, since you had her, have you? Apart from visiting Chloe on the NICU. You need to get used to taking her out, darling. You remember what it was like with Darren, you got yourself into such a self-conscious state about taking him out you hardly…"_

_"I don't want to talk about him, Mum. And I'm not going. I'm totally happy taking Chloe out, I'm not embarrassed this time. I couldn't give less of a shit what anyone thinks, she's my baby. I know she's my baby, and I know I'm getting the hang of being a mum this time, I don't care what other people think. Chloe seems to think I'm doing a decent job, don't you, Chloe? That's the only thing that matters. But I'm still not going. I am going to start taking Chloe for a walk around the park every day though. What do you think, Chloe? Are you going to sleep again, sweetheart? Hey? I think you are, aren't you, you're so sleepy. Shall we go for a walk later? Yeah? Shall we go for a walk, and you can get some fresh air?"_

_"At least have a think about it, Angel?" Peigi tries again. "Chloe would be fine, she'd probably sleep through the whole thing, anyway. And I just… I worry about you," she admits. "I know Chloe is your priority right now, and that's exactly the way it should be. You're absolutely brilliant with her, I'm so proud of you. But I'm your mum, so I'm always going to worry about you, too. And I just think… I know you don't want to talk about him, Angel, and that's fine. That's totally fine, I'm not going to make you if you don't want to. But you might change your mind about that one day. And if you've lost touch with all your friends here… you're only going to have me you'll be able to talk to about him, won't you? Me and your grandparents, and they aren't going to be around forever. I know it's hard, after the way things have been lately, and I know it might seem pointless, when we're going to be moving up to Aberdeen anyway. But your friends would still be there for you, Angel, if you wanted them to be. I know that because Miss McLeod's told me they're all still asking how you are, and I've lost track of the number of times Julie and Kirsty have called over the last few weeks."_

_"They're not going to want to bother with Chloe, though. Sorry, Chloe." Ange shifts her baby in her arms, strokes her cheek. "Mummy loves you, sweetheart. Mummy loves you so, so much, and if they don't want to hang around with me when I have you, they aren't really my friends, are they? You come first. You always come first. You always will, I don't need friends as long as I have you, do I? Are you cold, honey bug?" she frowns. "Hmm? Are you cold?" She frowns up at her mum anxiously. "I know the neonatologist said she is when she was discharged, but I'm still not convinced she's maintaining her body temperature consistently."_

_"She's probably just cold, Angel. Normal cold, I mean, I doubt it's anything to worry about."_

_"It's July, Mum."_

_"I know. But she's much smaller than… than you're used to. Premature babies do get cold more easily, don't they? And she's still not quite up to a totally healthy birthweight just yet. Keep an eye on it. You've got her check-up next week, haven't you, you can always mention it then, if you're worried. Do you want me to get her a blanket?"_

_"Not just yet." She lifts Chloe, lays her on her lap for a moment as she unzips her hoodie halfway, lays Chloe back on her chest, zips her hoodie up again around them both. "We'll try this first, shall we, Chloe? Yeah? The neonatologist said the kangaroo care thing's still good for her."_

_"You do realise you can put her down, right? You don't have to hold her all the time, Angel. I'm sure the kangaroo thing is good for her, yes, but it wouldn't hurt to just wrap her in a blanket and put her down for a while."_

_"I don't want to put her down. Chloe at the SARC says they sleep better when they can feel your heartbeat, that's totally true for Chloe. My Chloe. If I let her sleep on me she'll be out for a good couple of hours, she'll have a decent feed and then she'll sleep for another couple of hours, it's actual bliss. This works, doesn't it, Chloe? And… you know. If I do this with her, I know she's breathing." She fixes her gaze firmly on Chloe, tucked into the top of her hoodie, tiny fingers tangling in her hair. _

_It's been just over two months now, since she had Chloe. _

_It's been two months since she first held her baby girl in her arms, delivered her herself, unassisted, alone in the dark and the cold, picked her up and held her and realised she wasn't an eighteen-week miscarriage after all; premature, yes, but not hopelessly so, not if she could only get her breathing._

_Because that had been her dominant thought. _

_She'd worked it out; of course she had. _

_Ange had known the moment she picked Chloe up off the ground, back-to-nature style, like something out of a wildlife documentary, as far from a hospital delivery as it was possible to get, that there was only one possible conception date, one possible father. Chloe was far tinier than her first baby had been, smaller than she'd have expected her to be compared to him even taking into account her being only thirty-five weeks, but equally she knew Chloe had to be thirty-five weeks, had to have come from that, far too developed and… baby-looking, really, there's no other way of putting it, to be only eighteen weeks. _

_She'd known. She'd accepted it, started to process it, but how Chloe had been conceived hadn't been her dominant thought._

_Not in the slightest. _

_All she could think was that Chloe (except she wasn't Chloe then, because she'd chosen Chloe's name, had it picked out for if she was a she ever since she'd realised she was pregnant and looked it up in the library, but she'd been so panicked by her blue-tinged skin and how cold and lifeless and limp she was that she hadn't even looked to see if she was a boy or a girl) wasn't breathing. That Chloe wasn't breathing, but if she could get her little heart working, there might just be hope. _

_And she hasn't stopped breathing since, much to Ange's relief. Chloe has had a whole host of other complications, yes, but she's never stopped breathing. _

_It's as though she just needed that extra encouragement right at the start, that validation, as though she needed to know that despite how she came to be, despite all the trauma and the hurt and the damage associated with her conception, her mother wanted her desperately, fought for her. As though she needed to see that her mother was willing to fight harder than she'd ever fought for anything before in her life to get her breathing. Because once they made it through those first few awful minutes, once she finally got Chloe to breathe, that was it. That was it, and she's never had another episode like that since, thank god. _

_But even so, Ange just can't shake free of the pure, paralysing fear she felt in those first few moments. _

_Sometimes, it's not just about Chloe sleeping better in her arms, curled up against her chest, feeling her mother's heart beating. _

_It's also about her. About her needing to feel Chloe's warm weight against her, needing to listen to her snuffles, gentle breathing, needing to know that she's alright. _

_Half the time, she needs to be holding Chloe just as much as Chloe seems to need to be held._

_Her mum seems to get it. _

_Her mum doesn't always get it, admittedly, but on this particular occasion, she seems to, crosses the room, sits on the arm of the sofa, places her hand gently on Ange's shoulder. _

_"She's doing amazingly well, Angel," Peigi tries to reassure her. "I can't even imagine…" she shudders involuntarily. "But Chloe's doing brilliantly now, isn't she? She just needs to catch up with where she should be for her age, but she'll do that, you'll see. She'll get there in her own time. How about if I give you some money?" she offers. "You know, to buy yourself a dress for your school formal thing."_

_"Oh, we're not on that again, are we?"_

_"Yes, we are. I really think you should go, Angel. I do get it. I remember what it's like having a new baby, you kind of just want to hibernate with them for a while, don't you? I definitely felt like that with you, anyway. You were twice the size Chloe is now when I brought you home and I still felt like you were too tiny and delicate to take out anywhere at first. But she'd be fine, sweetheart. There's no reason you can't take her with you, she'd be absolutely fine. You don't have to pass her around if you don't want to, the passing the new baby around for everyone to hold thing isn't compulsory. I think you might regret it," her mum admits quietly. "If you don't go, I think you might regret it. I can't tell you how proud I am of you for taking being a mum so seriously, you're doing an incredible job with Chloe. But you're still allowed to enjoy yourself, too. I don't want you to feel you can't go out and have fun with your friends just because you have Chlo."_

_"I hate it when you call her Chlo."_

_"What's wrong with Chlo?"_

_"It's not her name! You're basically saying her name if you get as far as Chlo, you might as well add the e on the end."_

_"You call her all sorts of ridiculous names! Just wait until she's a teenager. I guarantee you all her friends will shorten it to Chlo, you won't be able to do anything about it when she's in high school. Anyway. So I'll give you some money, okay? I'll give you some money, and then you and Chlo can go into Glasgow and you can find yourself something nice to wear for your school formal, my treat. And you can see if you can find Chloe something, too, if you're taking her."_

_"There's no way I'm going to be able to find a dress in Chloe's size, Mum," Ange argues. "She's still in her preemie sleepsuit things, and you saw how little choice there was when they ordered those in for us in the shop. I seriously doubt they make dresses her size. You need to grow, don't you, darling? Yes, you do. Yes, you do, Chloe, you need to grow so you can wear all the cute baby clothes. Not the functional boring preemie stuff."_

_"She might fit in a tiny baby one, or whatever it is they call the next size up, nowadays. We never…" her mum trails off awkwardly, realises what she's done. "We never needed those last time round, did we? I mean, it'd be a bit big on her, but I don't think it would be that bad. I'll give you some money, you can go and have a look when you get yourself a dress. And I'll give you some extra, come to that, you can get yourself some decent clothes while you're at it. You can't keep living in those enormous hoodies."_

_"What's wrong with my hoodies?" _

_"They're huge. And I know you bought them so… you know." Her mum sighs, sadness in her eyes again. "So no one would notice you were pregnant. You don't need to wear those things anymore, you can get yourself some decent clothes. I'll pay. You don't want to go back to wearing all your goth stuff…"_

_"You do realise the reason I'm not wearing that stuff is because I can't fit into any of it, Mum?" Ange grimaces, unimpressed. "I mean, I'm kind of over my goth phase now, but still, I wouldn't be living in the same two outfits if I could actually fit into anything else in my wardrobe. It literally makes no sense, I never had this after… you know. Just had him and went back to wearing all my normal clothes and that was it. How are you so tiny?" she asks Chloe, rubs gentle circles on her back. "How are you so tiny, Chloe? Hey? How do I have the tiniest little two-month-old I can't even buy baby clothes small enough for and I look like I'm still pregnant, how does that even work?"_

_"Welcome to motherhood, darling. You got off lightly last time."_

_"Alright, you don't have to agree with me!" Ange complains. "Right, Chloe and I are going out for a bit. I'm just going to take her down to the park, she likes meeting all the dogs."_

_"You let strange dogs in the park sniff her and…" _

_"Hey, only the friendly ones! There's an old lady with two ancient looking Welsh terriers we've seen a few times now, I obviously didn't let the dogs anywhere near her until I knew they was going to be gentle with her. Chloe and the dogs just kind of stare at each other intently and they sniff her a bit, it's the cutest thing. And then there's a king Charles spaniel puppy she likes saying hi to, as well. And a lurcher. She loves all the dogs, she's definitely going to be an animal lover. Come on then, Chloe. Shall we get your cardigan on, then, and your blanket thing?" she chats to her daughter mindlessly. "I don't think it's cold enough for your coat, is it, but we definitely need to put some more layers on you, don't we? Hey? And then we'll go and see if any of your doggy friends are in the park today." _

_She doesn't tell her. _

_She doesn't tell her mum that Chloe is just an excuse._

_That the real reason she's still living in her enormous hoodies she bought to conceal her pregnancy, that she doesn't want to go to her school formal, is that the aftermath of pregnancy number two has been totally different to the first time around, and she's too embarrassed to go out anywhere in a dress. _

_That she wouldn't change Chloe for the world, but she's totally destroyed her body, and she can't see how she'll ever not hate the way she looks ever again. _


End file.
